Seepage

I was foolish enough to recently wonder if I was "in remission" from my grieving or maybe even...done.

Ha! 

It turns out that after the very raw grieving the evening of my birthday I must have subconsciously put a very thick bandage around the gash.  And, as tends to happen to a gaping wound left untreated, after a period of time the gunk starts to seep through even the thickest of bandages.

As you may recall, when I first resumed writing, it was because I had left my longtime therapist in tears thoroughly convinced that she "hated me".  I poked fun at myself for the patheticness of the thought but, of course, it still hurt.

What was really happening was that the universe was using this as an opportunity to demonstrate to me, once again...

"IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, JENNIFER!"

Yes, you see, the very day I returned home from a visit to my new therapist (more on that later) I found a letter in my mailbox from this person who supposedly hated me.

It was a goodbye letter.

The ovarian cancer that she had fought for two years has quit responding to treatment and she is now receiving Hospice care in her home.

She didn't hate me. 
She was dying. 
And I suppose that might make someone a little impatient with someone who was stuck not dealing with her own emotions.

Thank you, Dr. Peters, for teaching me, "You don't have to believe everything you think."

For helping me learn to detach from my emotions and rob them of the power over me.

I promise I will continue the hard work.

And, maybe next time, when I try to convince myself, "This person doesn't like me." I will remeber that IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME!