My sweet little Lily-Girl was in tears shortly after she awoke this morning.
She told me she had a dream about Daddy.
I knew we were already running late and were going to be late for sure but I immediately stopped my frantic morning routine to go and sit on the bed and hug her.
The dreams of her Daddy she has told me of previously were happy ones where she was seeing him and hugging him. I knew this was different.
She said, "I dreamed that he was about to...to do what he did...I was calling to him saying, 'No! No Daddy!' but he couldn't hear me."
Oh, my Lily-Girl. I am so sorry you had this dream.
Sometimes I forget that you will have to deal with this the rest of your life in a way that the rest of us escaped. He was your Daddy. He loved you so much. And you adored him.
I am sorry he was so incredibly sick.
And may you be immune to this sickness.
May you never fall into that darkness.
1 comment:
I know this so well! My girls have had many happy hugging dreams too, and some sad ones where they have woken up crying. Luckily this hasn't happened for some time, it does get better.
I will never be able to fully understand losing a father, as I still have mine. They will have to live with this forever. And one of my greatest hopes is that they too, will escape the pulls of depression, as it is known to be hereditary. Especially my one daughter who is so much like her dad. I have made it one of my life missions to show them the small joys in each moment and to instill in them that happiness is a choice. As moms, we can only do our best. I hope that you are keeping a copy of this blog, as one day, she might want to read it.
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