The Start

The questions I've been pondering for weeks are...

When did it start?
When did it go bad?
When did Shawn get sick?
Was he always sick?

Of course this has brought up many memories - good and bad.

Which is another struggle.  Where does one file the good memories?  How can they exist alongside the bad?  What compartment in your brain does each go - because they surely can't co-mingle.

Of course I've been accused of "black or white thinking" a few times in my life so maybe it is quite possible that they do exist in the same space.

It's just that it does seem that "it" was good mixed with a bit of bad for a long time.  And then "it" was bad mixed with very little good.

Stick with me here because we may be about to take some dark turns on the next few postings. 

But I also think the end is in sight.  My grief, compared to a month ago, has taken on a much less tormented feel and I know it is because I have taken the time to write my thoughts.