I just finished a very difficult post that is sitting in my "Draft" folder.
I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about how reading so much pain and darkness may be affecting my friends who are reading this.
I worry that in my efforts to process my grief that I am taking you to depths where you don't deserve or need to go.
Therapists get paid good money to listen to this sort of thing and have training for how to deal with the emotions they might have related to hearing terrible things.
I started writing again because I had a therapist who couldn't seem to listen to my pain without judging me.
It suddenly seems unfair to me to have put you all in this situation.
I will keep writing but I think maybe some of the more difficult things should sit in the "Draft" folder.
I know you all will question whether reading the autopsy report was a good thing for me. All I can tell you is that I felt as if I had no choice. Knowing it was available and that it contained some of the answers I sought meant it had to happen.
4 comments:
I don't find it hard. Sometimes it helps to know you are not the only one who feels a certain way. Write what you need to write to heal. If it is too much people can choose not to read.
I'm listening, and I fully understand as you know! x
We can take it. What's important is this journey you are taking.
Allow yourself to process without censoring, Love. If it feels complete to you to leave it in the draft, that's fine, but you've shared that this process is helping you...we are all making a choice to witness it without judgement. It's our job to stop reading, if we are that deeply or negatively affected by it and we continue to read.
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