Someone I trusted stood in this room and looked me blankly in the eyes.
I told him how crushed I was when he asked me to put my ring back on when nothing had changed.
And there was no connection. Just blankness.
I trusted him.
I thought he loved me.
And he loved me as much as an alcoholic can when they are approaching the end stage of their disease.
I can feel him here right now. Looking at me. The way he did that day.
And the way he looks at me now.
I do get scared.
I was very scared with him.
How did I let myself get in that spot?
How did I not see it coming?
He told me he loved me.
He told me he hated me.
He told me we had nothing in common.
And that we should have realized it years ago.
And that he regrets having children with me.
That is hate.
Despising.
How do you live with someone who despises you?
Who can find nothing redeeming in you?
Release the grief.
The pain and sadness of being hated.
And now what?
2 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear that he hurt you and said such awful things. I have also heard them all. I just hope you understand that he is sick. He has an illness and what he says is not always what he means.
Please take care of yourself and let me know if you need ANYTHING!!
Keep up the good work.
Post a Comment