I haven't been writing and I don't think anyone has been reading.
Everything has seemed...normal lately.
Lily's depression magically seemed to lift when I finally realized that her sleep problems seemed to be the source of her inability to cope with anything.
Despite my reluctance and fear I did finally start giving her melatonin which has worked so well that I actually now fear, every night, that it will quit working.
For at least a year bedtime was a terrible time for her. She would want to talk about her Dad and some of the terrible details she knew...right before laying down for "sweet dreams". She would cling to me and ask, "Where I he? He's right here isn't he?" and she would look blindly around the room. I, of course, was exhausted by this time of night and really didn't have the energy or the knowledge about how to help her.
I knew it would take her several hours to finally fall asleep and I knew that she would wake up 2 or 3 times a night and have trouble getting back to sleep.
Once I started thinking about how things really must be for her I realized that I couldn't just ignore her situation just because of my own hang-ups about "medicating children".
She will be 10 years old on Sunday. It will be her second birthday without her Dad. She is growing into such a beautiful and amazing girl - I know he could have never envisioned her like this. I know he thought he was making things easier by "going away" when she was young.
I wonder what memories she will have of her Dad as the years go by?
What kind of things do you remember from when you were eight?
3 comments:
I check every day for a new post. I don't always comment, but know that I'm always here "listening".
It is wonderful to see Lily growing into such a beautiful young girl. Sort of like seeing a flower bloom in an area that has been destroyed or broken somehow. You look at it and wonder how something so delicate and fragile could survive such trauma. Deep down that flower is a strong survivor....and so is Lily.
Lack of sleep always has a way of making the brain somehow go into overdrive with over thinking issues that weigh on our hearts, or worries we don't know how to sort through. A good night sleep is the best gift you can give Lily. Maybe something that would be helpful to you too!
Lori
I'm here.
Jennifer
I'm glad you found something that works for her. It was hard for us to make the decision for Zack but he is better for it. We are also dealing with anxiety problems at our house but ours are more daytime problems.
Hope the melatonin keeps working for you.
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