Self-Pity

Time to examine another emotion after several days respite. I persevere with this because it seems to be helping. This one I am writing about while the emotion is happening.

Self-Pity:
Physical Sensation - tears right on the verge of falling, eyes welling up - I blink them back because I know if I let them start I will be on a full-blown crying jag, distinct, somewhat sharp pain in my chest, and the feeling like I am a balloon who has been popped.

Mental - Well, the "poor me" inner-voice is a given which is also accompanied by the old familiar, "No one knows what it's like to be me. No one understands me" voice/feeling (If I could eliminate that feeling entirely I think I would be a much happier person - really how would anyone truly understand another? We all see things through our own experiences and filters so why can't we let go of the expectation/desire for others to understand us).

There is a little bit of defensiveness, too. As in, "I am entitled to this feeling. Look at all I have gone through. Look at all I've given up."

Waah, Waah. A little bit of self-scorn, too. A voice saying, "Come on you big-baby. Why are you going to cry about something so little and stupid."

Defensive voice, "Because! Because all the little things add up and I'm tired. I'm tired of it."

Back to "Oh, poor me. Poor me. Why does it (life?) have to be like this?

Amazing how the same pattern just circles around and around the brain:
Poor Me.
I am entitled to feel this way.
Big Baby!
Repeat!

This exercise just helped immensely. I recommend examing emotions as if they are a rock and you are a curious scientist. It really diffuses the emotion's ability to affect your overall thinking.