I realized yesterday that, although I perceive myself as a nice and friendly person, the rest of the World may not always see me as such because I don't fit their mold.
I crave deep and meaningful conversations and will invest a great deal of effort in them. I am a person who finds idle chit-chat very difficult to tolerate.
For example, when I am at work I am there to...work. Pleasantries in the hallway I am fine with and I thought I handled them politely and in a friendly manner.
Co-Worker: Hi. How are you?
Me: Good, thank you. [Said with a pleasant smile as I pass by]
I have realized that maybe the right thing to do would be to say, "Good. How are you?"
But here's the problem I identified as I thought about it more.
These people are not asking how I am because they really want to hear.
They have the expectation that the reply is going to be, "Good, great, super, fine, OK" and I think that this obligation to be "good" is what irritates me about the question.
What if I stopped and replied, "Well, now that you ask, I have a headache and really bad cramps today and my ex-husband is a complete jackass, I'm worried about my daughter because yesterday she made a mistake and became hysterical crying, "I hate myself", my son seems to have an inordinately hard time apologizing and I don't know how to help him learn the value of an apology (something his father has never learned). I'm really bummed out because it is only October 8th and it is snowing and I'm feeling kind of down because I can't bring the guest I want to bring to my office party because of the ramifications and..."
Oh, wait, I'm sorry...you just wanted me to say everything was great!
Oh, I'm sorry, I was supposed to ask how you are, now - even though you probably aren't interested in sharing all of your problems with me. And if I'm being brutally honest I really am not that interested in hearing about your problems).
Why can't we just leave it at "Hello" and a smile and go on with our lives and work days/gym workout/grocery shopping, etc.?
Why do you force me to be fake with my answer?
Or what if I happen to be having a great day?
Do you really want to hear my brag about how happy I am to have my freedom, a job I love, two incredibly smart kids, and the holidays to look forward to? Would that make me look like an insensitive person if I am happy when you may not be?
So...this is my problem. It is who I am. I value close friendships and will open and expose myself on a very deep level. The therapist I saw a number of years ago tried to convince me that people need lots of different types of friends...he said they need friends who they can tell anything and they need friends that they can just go for a bike ride with, etc. I still don't get this. I would rather be with close friends or be by myself. I like being by myself and I like having deep friendships. I don't like to invest a lot of time with people I can't be real with.
I debate whether I should make more effort or just accept that I am not the same as the average person who seems to be able to chit-chat with others easily.
